Wednesday, June 20, 2012

a visit from hawk

when i asked for a sign, i didn't think it would look me in the eye.  literally.

remember this post that i wrote this past friday?  on how i was asking for a sign, any sign to let me know my dreams would be realized?

well, it literally looked me right in the eye on our way home from our fathers day in Lewiston, NY,  just over the canadian border. 

we waited in the customs line for 2 1/2 hours in total.  we have NEVER had to wait that long.  ever.  but i noticed the closer we'd move up the line, the more birds i saw flying overhead.  most were seagulls, but i did notice a hawk.  i could tell it was a hawk because of it's characteristic soaring and hovering in circles.  but then there were two more that came along.  the three hawks above us circling, and circling, and circling.  i didn't think too much, as we were by the lake and just figured they were there to swoop down and catch some fish - or do whatever it is that hawks do.  the whole time in my head i was thinking, every hawk i encounter can't all be possibly trying to tell me something.  or could they? 

as we moved closer, i now counted 7 hawks.  all of them soaring, hovering, and taking their turn coming down lower and then back up.  at this point, not only did i notice them, but so did my husband and little girl.  we sat there watching them in awe.  and in my head i was thinking, hmmm, the numbers 3, 5 and 7 seem to appear to me these days.

then as we moved ever further up the line, and essentially closer to the hawks and seagulls, all of a sudden, out of the blue, one of the hawks comes swooping down, and i swear to honest to goodness, we screamed because we thought it was going to fly right into our car window and crash into us.  it felt like he stood there for just a nano-second looking into my eyes.  face to face.  eye to eye.  looking at me with those orangey-yellow'ish eyes, and his white chest and his WIDE, HUGE wing span....  and then as soon as he swooped down, he swooped back up leaving us, literally, breathless. 

and then today.  today,  we lost a very dear and close family friend.  a very very sad day for us. 

all this to say - to realize that

i have all that i need.  and it is more than enough.
i am all that i am.  and it is enough.
this is it.  nothing more required. 
mindfulness, and daily gratitude must be my daily practice. 
this is it.  this moment.  this very second. 
joy, the purest of joys is found in those moments in those very seconds of gratitude, not in the things we have or hope to get. 

it was a rude awakening.  thanks hawk for looking me in the eye.  for the reminder.  it was exactly what i needed.

Friday, June 15, 2012

looking for a sign

no damnit, not this kinda sign... 

a sign from the universe  that my dream is within reach.  that i will get there.  i see my dream displayed in my head as vivid as day and it couldn't be more different than the one i'm currently living. 
i've tried to put it into words but somehow the words don't do this dream justice. 

if i'm going to get any closer to my dream, i must find the right words. and them let them free into the stratosphere and let them linger and marinate with the universe before my wish makes it's way back to me. 

yes... that's just what i'll do. 

i'll practice finding the right words.

universe, get ready for some serious marinating.

Friday, June 8, 2012

it rained last night, thunder, hail, tons of rain, the whole nine yards.  it was beautiful.  put me right in the mood to paint.  

i've been taking progress shots lately and i can't believe i haven't done this before.  i step away from my work but for some reason when i look at it in photos, i can really see what i need to go back to.  

take a look at this.  i knew it needed work, but wasn't sure how to fix that neck, and something was just not right with the hair... but wasn't sure what.  but, when i took a look at the picture it all became clear....

see.  now i see what i need to do.  a little more tweaking and she's done.

carlanda, sweet friend.  this one is dedicated to you.  'hail yes'

happy happy weekend!! xox

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


the other day i wrote this really inspired post about this new piece i created and i was so excited about it, i even wrote a wee poem.  but.... when i hit publish.  it. disappeared.  gone.  just like that lost in cyberspace.

this post may not be as eloquent but here goes nothing...

i was in a collage-ing kind of mood.  i don't normally create such large collaged pieces,  this is approx 18' x 22' on 140 lbs watercolour paper.  but once i started glueing down, i couldn't stop. 

before starting i rummaged for about 20 minutes in my collage fodder folder... and i literally took out pieces that i found intriguing.  pieces that hold meaning for me, remind me of something or have a story to tell.  and the following is what I intuitively ended  up with.

STEP 1: collaged pieces

then i walked away for the night to decide how i was going to continue with this.  when i went back to the piece, she was begging to get painted.  so i started and added layer upon layer upon layer until i got to here:

STEP 2: adding layers of acrylic paint

and i really really loved it. i love her face and the images peeking out in the background and it was all good.  but knew i had to walk away and come back to it again the next day.  i knew she wasn't yet done, and kept going and going with layers and mixed media until i finally got to here and stopped.  i really like the way the tree in the back looks full of green leaves, and how it appears to be reflecting off water.

Step 3:  adding more layers with acrylic paint, oil pastels, oil bars, stabilo pencil, india ink, water based inks

but somehow that got covered up.  i still don't feel she's quite done.  i need to work it some more before i totally and completely love it. 

i love the process of a piece transforming, and taking pictures in between the process, and being able to step back and examine it piece by piece. 

somehow, naked women, the lotus flower, bare trees, make their way into my pieces.  no halo this time.  at least not yet anyway.

i tried to recreate the poem i had written about this piece but for the life of me i can't remember the exact words.... something like 'she stood tall, strong, and sturdy, her roots running deep.  rooted.  stirrings in her heart .... yadda yadda...  finding her voice, and expressing ...blah blah with confidence.  .... the yearnings of her heart...'   i know, i know... but i swear, it was good. lol 

my little girl has soccer tonight.  and boy what fun it is to watch her little 5 year old self play her heart out, and all her little team mates having a blast on the field.  there's nothing like watching your child run towards her own teams net with the ball and looking at you all proud... xox  i can't stop myself from giggling every time i picture it in my head.  such a sweet, sweet girl.  can't wait for tonights shananigans.

Monday, June 4, 2012


i just spend an hour writing up a post and when i hit publish, it vanished.  just like that.  poof.  gone.  ugh.  blogspot, how could you be so rude and do that to me.  now i have to try to find the words to do it again.  and it was such a great post...  frig.