avere un coraggio da leone
hate it when the 'funk' sets in.
and the piece above is what set it off. after all the work and time put it - it felt flat so bloody flat. wasn't sure how to make it work.. everything i did was just making it worse. ugh. it put me in such a bloody mood.
running through my brain and reaking havoc on my heart, was...
"really, why am i doing this? why am i wasting my time? i don't feel like i'm ever going to get close to the place i wanna be. i'll never be able to paint or draw as good as him, and look at her work i'll never be able to do that"
why am i in this funk all of a sudden, when just a couple of weeks ago, i was unstoppable. i thought i was 'there'. but where is there? isn't it the journey that's supposed to be the best part, and not the end result? it's in the getting there that we grow and learn and become. i know this. but why do i continue to compare my work to others? how can i not?
then i ended up on the squam blog. and read this post by michelle madden smith. particularly this quote from Ira Glass. it was as if the piece was written for me.
"what nobody tells people who are beginners -- and i really wish someone had told this to me... is that all of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. but there is this gap. for the first couple years you make stuff. and it's just not that good. it's trying to be good. it has potential. but it's not. but your taste. the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. and your taste is why your work disappoints you. a lot of people never get past this phase. they quit. most people i know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. we know our work doesn't have that special thing we want it to have. we all go through this. and, if you are just starting out you are still in this phase. you gotta know it's normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. it is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap. and your work will be as good as your ambitions. and i took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone i've every met. it's gonna take a while. it's normal to take a while. you've just gotta fight your way through."---Ira Glass
funny thing....when arriving at madrona, my home away from home during my time at artfest, i looked up because i heard the familiar 'kee-eee-raa' call from Hawk. he flew right above me. circling. and circling. and i stared up at him for what seemed like a minute or two. he was telling me to follow my 'all that is'. this is my calling. and this is my journey. a sweet reminder that i will close the gap. maybe not today. but i will get there? where ever 'there' may be.
i'll be putting in my 10, 000 hours and more to get there... this funk won't get me down yet.