(image taken from google HAWK search - author unknown)
through the guidance one very incredibly talented wise woman and her guidance in her soulodge, i've become AWARE of my animal totem. it's been the most interesting thing i've yet ever discovered. so much more learning to do, and hoping to take her fall online course to further delve into the world of animal spirit guides. here's how it all unfolded, between us:
Pixie, i really need your feedback, cause i'm feeling kinda crazy at the moment!!
i went into journey last night, and i'm in shock with what i came out with. a good shock. it was exhilerating. i just wanted to thank you for this experience, and at the same time i think i need some consolation that i am indeed not going crazy.... lol.
i just wanted to share a little bit of what i experienced... my totem is HAWK. it's HAWK. it was the only one to come to me. it was like it was waiting for me... patiently waiting... and funny thing is, i live in toronto canada, and i don't even think we have any hawks in the city. i don't know what a hawk looks like nor have i ever seen one in real life (that i know of). and what astounds me is that i immediately knew it was HAWK, and not eagle, or falcon, or whatever. it was HAWK. could it be?
what was even more incredible, was i became HAWK even before he presented himself to me. i was in my 'forest', my happy place by the fairy tree, and i went into the little opening in the tree, and found myself in blackness. wasn't sure where i was or what i was going to see.. when all of a sudden i could feel myself floating in the air. it startled me at first. but i kept on and before i knew it, i was up in the sky looking down into a beautiful wide open field of yellow wild flowers.. i was HAWK, i had wings and i was flying, and i had taloned feet. i then landed and was me again, and that's when HAWK appeared from above. watching me. and then flew off and i followed him with my eyes until i couldn't see him anymore. i wandered a bit not sure of what to do with myself, when HAWK came back and beckoned me with his eyes to follow him. he had these reddish/brown sparkling eyes. i followed and again it was like i went through to another portal, and this time i found myself in a very desolate, dry, windy, barren desert. the earth below me was dry and cracked, void of any life. the wind was howling and blowing wildly. i was naked. bare naked. all i could do was get down onto the ground. i found myself in a fetal position. not scared. not hurt. not anything. i just was. surrendering. HAWK was above me circling and circling and circling in the sky watching, protecting me.
ok. now that you think (and frankly i think) that i've gone completely crazy.
next thing i know i'm following HAWK back through the portal. i swear he was smiling. i swear it was like he was saying, 'it's about time', and led me back to the portal, back to my fairy house in the tree, back to the woods, and ultimately back to myself.
how did i manage to conjure all that up? am i just making this up? is it real? what do i do with this now? i feel excited, yet i must admit i think i'm feeling like 'ok, i am crazy, what am i doing?'
i guess i need to do this again, and see what happens. if HAWK comes back to me. gawd. i'd love your feedback if you have time.. and damn so wish i had talked to you at squam. but i guess i was feeling a little shy and awkward.
Ha ha! I'm laughing and crying and covered in goosebumps! I will write in depth later. My darling, you are NOT crazy. You are in touch with your primitive "all that is". I am so happy for you! It's like giving birth to yourself, isn't it?!
Warmly and more soon,
pixie! i'm crying just reading your message. giving birth to myself. holy c**&&^!
i've never felt so 'awake' in all my life.
funny thing, now that i think about it. the whole time i was at squam, and during my wanderings in the woods, my eyes and head were always looking up. like i was looking for something. i even used my iphone and video taped up to the sky and up towards the trees. and what's giving me the chills as i type this, i did hear one very loud 'rwaaaa', don't know if it was a HAWK since i've never heard one. but i now know it was.
thank you wise woman xoxx, you don't know HOW MUCH this means to me.
so peeps, needless to say, i've been doing much research on journey work, crystals, and smudging, and medicine bundles, and getting in touch with spirit. thanks beautiful pixie!!!