Friday, January 9, 2009

The Party is Over! Or, is it?

I have sort of been missing in action these past few days, so to speak.
I've gone back to work.
After a very long maternity leave.
Here in good 'ol Canada we get a year of maternity leave and I tacked on an additional year leave.. so needless to say, going back was hard.
Very hard.
Not only for me but for the kids too.
Elisa didn't surprise me too much, I figured she'd cope well.
It was my 5 year old son who took it hard.
By late afternoon when I still hadn't showed up to pick him up, he cried himself silly, and then fell asleep on the couch.
That first morning, I cried ALL the way to work.
I felt guilt ridden that I had left my children, my precious cargo, the two things that I loved most on this planet, with literally a stranger.
OK, I know everyone does it. Everyone has a sitter. Everyone has to go to work.
It didn't matter what I told myself.
I was a mess all day.
I'm feeling much better about it today.
The kids are a heck of a lot more comfortable with their sitter.
Sweet older Italian couple, husband and wife team, Concetta and Angelo.
They live around the corner from us, and closer to Xaviers school than we do, not to mention they're super sweet and great with the kids.
For some reason I still feel guilty for having enjoyed myself away from the kids.
Back in my position where I feel in control.
In a place where I can excercise my brain.
And heck, speak to adults about something besides, 'what sports your kids are signed up for', or 'what ballet class', or complain about how many stinky diapers you've had to change.
It was adult talk.
Seeing my pals.
Working on my computer without my kids tugging at my pant legs.
Eating lunch, and not having to worry about anyone else's lunch (this one's a big one for me folks).
I could leave all the worrying to Concetta.
She could worry about the kids for me.
I'd deal with the kids when I'd get home.
Life sure is different at 'work'.
You're head is in a different space when you're at home with kids, than it is when you're at work with adults.
I'm glad I went back.
I may just have saved my sanity afterall.

This will definitely be a scrapped 'moment' in my life.

Any words of advice from other working moms?
Do you feel the 'guilt' thing too?
Why must women's lives be so complicated?


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